Bag Lady by Erykah Badu (trigger warning sex/sexual assault)

Hey y’all,

I hope everyone is doing alright and getting through these times as best as they can. Be kind to yourselves in any way that means please. For me it’s meant ordering more ramen and dumplings whenever I feel like it, so points can be made for self care/indulgence. I haven’t been writing that much, and I’m okay with those times of silence and observation, so if I do write I’m finishing unfinished pieces or editing. This is a poem I wrote the beginning to a while ago and I felt it was promising but I never finished it so this is me tryna finish it. I think it works. As far as what I’m speaking on, it’s a part of my story as the person living in this body and what it’s experienced, so I understand if it may shock or upset people. Please again, take care of yourself and use your own judgement.

Trigger Warning ⚠️ sexual situations, sexual assault

We Laugh Now but It Wasn’t Funny at the Time

The first time my high school boyfriend tongued me down he put a condom over his tongue.

I wasn’t as familiar with my body as the boys who never knew what they were touching. 

They navigated my shores and tricked my missiles into explosions 

Years later, I realize they barely ended the wars they started.

I was 5 the first time a man made a jungle gym of my body 

His torso twisting and hanging low, he held his feet up as though he could scrape them on the bouncy definition of virginity 

As if listening to my boundaries would disqualify him 

From being king of the jungle gym

As if he could push me off of the meaning of no into an unlikely maybe 

As if every word I said he drained the meaning from like bacon grease 

Until no didn’t sound like no in my voice.

He banished me from myself and told me never to return 

Sometimes I still find myself running...

Into myself; guarding what these men want from me 

What they always have.

But they say it different now, but mean the same things they did then. 

The fucked up notion that desire cannot be contained 

And if it was, it is unleashed in me 

We make fun of curiosity and how many cats it’s killed 

But we hold no memorials for what was found in the rubble of my understanding

There was no use in searching for what was devoured whole.

I took it as there was no time to unravel here .

Where there is no way to explain crossing boundaries except to say it 

In the same voice that had said no.

Once I do, everyone wished I had just made a joke,

And it was actually funny.

Thanks y’all, stay safe.